Dynamic School Theory

On occasion in physics class, a concept is explained to such a point of thoroughness that it causes the minds of those who have understood from the beginning to wander. When such minds are stimulated into relative wanderings by silly videos with Alberts and Henries playing space billiards, they may attempt to explain some phenomena of the universe which they did not formerly understand. Such wanderings have produced the following theory: Neenah High School has a velocity with respect to the earth.

As many students and possibly teachers have observed, the bells of Neenah High School ring at a later time each day. This discrepancy is not noticeable from day to day, but synchronizing a watch one day and then checking it against the bell a week later one will find a substantial difference measured to be 9 seconds. The special theory of relativity states that time appears to pass at a slower rate in a frame of reference possessing a velocity with respect to another frame of reference. Thus, from this theory and the fact that time appears to pass at a slower rate at school we conclude the theory that the school is in motion with respect to the earth.

Because the school has a velocity with respect to the earth, it must travel around the earth. This is because the school cannot travel into or through the earth, nor can it lift from the earth. The ability of students to enter and leave the school at 80 minute intervals along with the school's travel around the earth means that its angular velocity with respect to the earth must be .012 rpm so that the school is in the same position on the surface of the earth at each 80 minute interval.

The dynamic school theory shows that the time kept by the school bell will continue to fall further behind all other time. The progress of this is easily recognized by the fact that a watch set to the bell and taken elsewhere (immediately after synchronization so that deviance is diminished by significant figures), the watch will display an earlier time than any clock in the place previously deemed "elsewhere." Because of this and the fact that some people who are allowed access to the timing system of the school bells are too lazy to continually reset their watches, the bells will be periodically reset to more closely match the watches of these people.