"There is corruption in our midst," said the Jay. Everyone's faces displayed expressions suggesting surprise and awe, but the Jay knew who had done the wrong. As leader of the InterStory Alliance Against Evil Story-Hoppers (ISAAESH), he was to decide their fate. "You know who you are, and I know you know who you are, so stand up in shame for all to see."

The Curt, former leader of the ISAAESH, along with the Steve, knew they had been found out and thus stood. The Jay then began to explain to the other members of the ISAAESH what wrong the two wrongdoers had done wrong. He then turned to speak to them. "You have both gone and done bad awful nasty things in another story. You interfered in a way which severely affected the outcome of that story, in violation of the Prime Directive."

"That's a Star Trek copyright," the Jay's lawyer whispered to him.

"Never mind that last part." The Jay then went on to explain how they had pulled a character named Captain Curt out of his story to prevent him from falling into a pit. They held him until the danger had passed, when they returned him. This violated the rule against unnecessary interference in other stories. The Jay's lawyer smiled at the new wording.

The Jay called the committee of important stuff to meet and decide what to do about it. They found out that the Curt and the Steve had also done something else in the story while they were there. Since fixing this was more important than deciding the punishment, they sent the Jay to fix it.

Jay pressed some buttons on his calculator-looking thing and looked at the display. He watched and read the subtitles as one of the characters said something about the ship being separated before and now it was back together. Jay realized that he had arrived just in time. He jumped up and dove at the ground. The paper ripped and he fell through and landed on the floor in the other story. He greeted them and introduced himself as Wayfarer Jay. Then he told them how their ship had been put together. They seemed close enough to understanding, so he pressed the buttons on his shoes. His shoes rocketed him back up through the rip and he scotch-taped it.

After a completely unknown amount of time, the Jay returned to the ISAAESH headquarters. The Curt and the Steve were sentenced to spend the rest of the story in the Eternal Story of the Never-ending Bummer. Then they would have to serve community service for the duration of the next sequel. They grumbled as Arnie the Big Guy led them away, but they didn't fight it. They knew that they had done wrong. Well, either that or it was because Arnie the Big Guy was quite enormous.

The Jay went back to his house with the Puddy. They were both eager to see his new program that he had written the day before. The Jay walked over to his computer and ran the program. The lights dimmed due to the massive power drain, even though they weren't on.

"Did it work?" asked Allene.

"I don 't know, Allene," Jay got out his CLT and pressed some buttons. He showed it to Allene. "And it's not a 'calculator looking thing' anymore, it 's a 'CLT.'"

"What 's that," asked Allene, "celery, lettuce, and tomato?" Jay just ignored it because he knew it was merely a pathetic attempt at a joke. She probably hadn't even realized that celery, lettuce, and tomatoes are all vegetables and wouldn't make much of a sandwich. Some people would argue that tomatoes are fruit and not vegetables, but let's just say those people have too much time to waste on worrying about that kind of stuff.

"Okay," said Jay and Allene, "those people have too much time to waste on worrying about that kind of stuff."

"Hey!" Sir Jay protested, "That joke belongs to my story!" Jay wondered who this guy was (though he looked familiar) and why he was in this story. "Well, I should get back to my story. Even though I'm from a story that hasn't been written yet, there's probably something I need to be there for." And with that, he was gone.

The author, at this point, became bored and fell asleep because he was in math class. Jay saw that he could now do whatever he wanted without the author bugging him about it. He ran to the cupboard and saw that it was bare. Then he ran to find Mrs. Hubbard. She kept taking all of Jay's stuff from his cupboard because she wanted a bone for her dog. She just wouldn't understand that he didn't even keep his bones in the cupboard. He kept them in the refrigerator as anyone else with any sense would. Mrs. Hubbard was nice about giving the contents of Jay's cupboard back, so he took them home and put them away and was suddenly overcome by an urge to open the refrigerator.

He opened the door and noticed a small cartoon-looking super hero man who was running around and eating all of the dairy products. Jay grabbed a bone out of the door and hit the guy with it, causing him to fall to the floor. He then threw a piece of cheese that had a hole eaten out of it such that the hole fell over the little guy and pinned his arms to his sides, causing him to fall. The little man got up and said "refrigerator raider." He then began eating the cheese as he scurried away. Jay just shrugged and went to look for something to do.

After a short while, Jay observed that he was walking through a forest. "Strange," he said, "I'm walking through a forest. I didn't know this story had a forest." Then, slightly to his surprise, a disgruntled little green elf with curly-toed shoes jumped down from somewhere. He had a candy cane that was extremely sharp on the end because he had been sucking on it without biting it off. Jay looked at the pointed tip in amazement because he could never suck without biting so his never got pointy. The little man took a step toward him and Jay realized that this menacing midget was threatening him with his sharpened sugar stick.

"Hey," complained Jay, "enough with the alliteration already, I'm getting tounge - twisted."

"You're weird," accused Taylor.

"Shut up already you bunch of freaks," said the evil little man as he lunged at Jay with his candy stick. Jay fumbled in his pockets and realized that he didn't have his magical glowing stick or anything else that could save him. All he could find was his scotch tape dispenser.

The little man made his move and stabbed Jay right in the left arm. The end broke off in Jay's arm, so the little man had to put it in his mouth to resharpen it. Jay screamed in pain so loud that the author woke up. He scotch-taped his wound to keep it from bleeding. The nasty elf once again had a sharp point on his peppermint stick (he really sucked). He started for Jay once again, but part of the candy cane in Jay's arm had dissolved into his bloodstream, giving him an immense sugar high. As soon as the elf was close enough, Jay kicked him in the face, causing him to fall over unconscious.

Immediately after that, a not so disgruntled elf swung by on a vine and picked up the evil one that had attacked Jay. Then Jay noticed a large sign above a door that said "Home Sweet Home." He had no idea what this last part of the story with the forest and all was about, so he went through the door.

Just about then, Curt and Steve were being forced to listen to Mr. Linzmeyer's jokes over and over in the Eternal Story of the Never-ending Bummer. Curt couldn't take it anymore, so he took Steve and escaped. This made them fugitive characters, which they were fully aware of, but a price they were willing to pay for escape from Mr. Linzmeyer. They knew that now ISAAESH, which Curt had actually founded a few stories ago, would now be out after them and they would never be able to go home.

Jay was still on a buzzing from the candy cane, which was causing him to run in circles around a tree in his front yard. Allene walked up and waited for him to stop. Jay made a few more revolutions before he noticed her. "Hi!" he said between breaths. He ran up to her and began jumping up and down and attempting to click his heels together. "There's no place like--"

"Can't you just hold still?" Allene interrupted. Jay stopped jumping up and down and began orbiting her. "Hey! I'm trying to deliver important news here..."

"I'm listening..."

"Well hold still so I know for sure." Jay kept orbiting her, which he must have found quite amusing because he began to giggle gleefully.

"Hey!" complained Jay as he came to a stop. "I though I told you to cap the alliteration." Allene told him of Curt and Steve's escape while the author made faces at Jay. "Hey, well that just isn't a good thing," said Jay, meaning that the author shouldn't stick his tounge out at him.

"I know," said Allene, who had understandably assumed that Jay was talking about the escape, "and we haven't had an adventure for a while, so it seems to me that we should go after them." Jay stopped for a second to hold his chin and ponder the length of that last sentence.

After deciding it had not surpassed the legal limit set by the bureau of waits and restrictions, Jay checked his script and saw that indeed they were supposed to pursue the fugitives as Allene had suggested.

The author came back after a break of two month duration. By now the plot had thickened in a way paralleling what soup does when you forget to put away the leftovers. The story continued in this manner for a while, but still without author it began to become rather watered down, similar to what happens when you purchase a Pepsi from Taco Bell and leave it in the car so the ice cubes melt. The author found his story much as he had left it, with the obvious exception of all the stuff that had happened while he was gone. Allene and Jay had given up their quest and Steve and Curt were about to discover this.

Curt sat down and Steve did the same. "How peculiar," commented Curt after taking a sip of tea. "You would expect them to know where we are." His gaze then drifted to a man sitting alone in a booth.

The man appeared to be having trouble eating his salid with his spoon and knife. Curt was about to go attempt to aid the man, but a light shone down upon the man and a large, booming voice from above spoke, saying, "USE THE FORKS, LUKE." Curt then noticed the name patch on the man's shirt upon which was written Luke.

Steve had seen what happened. The bad jokes had seeped into this story. Steve and Curt had brought it with them and contaminated an otherwise perfectly fine story.

"Hey, that was kind of punny," said Curt. Steve smacked him politely and explained the serious horridness of the situation.

"No! You don't understand!" complained the now hysteric Steve. "This story has been infected--and it's all our fault! We have to get out of here before it gets worse!" He let go of Curt's shirt and stopped shaking him. The two decided that it was best to go home even though they were sure to be found there by those who had already sentenced them. They would most likely be punished with increased severity, but they didn't want their bad jokes to destroy any more stories.

"One last thing." Jay grabbed some candy canes from the shelf and put them in his pocket. He pulled the hidden handle in the wall and opened the secret door. He stepped through it into the tunnel and closed the door behind him. Just then, Paul entered the room because he thought he hadn't been in the story yet. He didn't see Jay, so he called to him. He waited for a while, and getting no reply, left. After he got out the door, he thought he saw two people duck behind a nearby building. He decided to go see who it was.

"Is he coming?" asked Curt.

"I can't check--he'll see me if he is coming." Steve inched toward the corner and poised himself to attack whoever it was who had seen them. Much to Steve's unexpectedness, an arm with a hand on the end reached around the corner and grabbed him. The body that the other end of the arm was attached to stepped around the corner and Curt observed that this person had Paul under his other arm.

"I don't suppose you two have your senior release cards either, do you?" demanded the big guy who had Steve under one arm and Paul under the other.

"What?" said Steve.

"Who are you?" asked Curt.

"I am Joch."

"Hey Steve, I guess the yolk's on you," joked Curt.

"That's Joch," corrected Joch, "Now show me your senior release cards or I shall have to give you all structured lunch." At this point, Curt was wondering why he got to be the one not under an arm, but none of them had a senior release card or even knew what a senior release card was. Joch took them away, Paul under one arm, Steve under the other, and Curt under the other. Now he did not actually have that many upper appendages, but Joch was not exactly a man of high intellect and most definitely did not even know what an upper appendage was.

After an undetermined amount of time, Joch had them all sit down at a long table on the side of the cafeteria. He then allowed them to purchase some overpriced substances that was called food. When they got back to the table, Jay and Allene were there too. Jay was attempting to drink what was called a chocolate milk shake but actually more closely resembled ice cream. He surmised that it would probably work better with a spoon. He thought to himself that he had never surmised before, so it must've been important. He informed Joch of his surmision, who told Jay that giving the students spoons would have catastrophic implications, but being of not exactly high intellect, was unable to explain the reasoning to Jay, who was eventually successful in convincing Joch to get spoons for tomorrow. Joch took his cart and pushed it outside to patrol the parking lot.

A voice from above called all their names after telling them they had to go somewhere. They found it strange that the voice from above chose not to call their names first and catch their attention so that they would listen to where they were supposed to go. After an ambiguous passing of time, they decided to wander out into the hall. Paul pointed out that some fool had left two rows of lockers right in the middle of the hall. Jay found it rather silly, but took a drink of his ice cream and kept walking.

All of a sudden, a Sean Connery look-alike came out of nowhere and took everyone's "food." They had only seen him long enough to notice that he looked like Sean Connery before he disappeared between the lockers. A haunting laughter echoed through the hall.

After everyone recovered from the shock of that last paragraph, Curt noticed a map. "Hey look," pointed Curt, "a map." Jay decided that they should look at the map because Curt was not allowed to make decisions since he and Steve were supposed to be in exile.

"How do they know where we are?" asked Paul, pointing at the "You are here" sticker. Jay pointed to the security camera on the ceiling in the corner and Paul nodded in understanding. Steve then found the "You should be here" sticker and they left.

It is important to keep in mind at this point that most characters would have simply sat down and given up long before this point. Obviously, what's happening in the story right now at least seems to have absolutely nothing to do with the part of the story coming before it. This, of course, confuses most characters. Our characters, however, know that their author has problems and are quite accustomed to being confused by the situations he puts them in. This is why they do not stop to think about what's happening. Another fact to take note of is that the author repeatedly took lengthy breaks from writing this story and misplaced the original plot somewhere between here and South New West Maine. Since Maine is in the Northeast, the author found it futile to attempt to recover the original plot.

In the time it took to discuss the last paragraph, our characters had reached the place called student services. A medium length beep sounded through the halls before they entered. Jay walked up to a nearby desk and told the secretary that they had been called there. "Well now you're all late," she scolded.

"What?"

"Go see your counselors and get your schedules."

"Who's my counselor?"

The secretary motioned toward a rather lengthy list on the wall and grumbled something about having to write passes now. They all went to the list except the secretary who continued to grumble. Paul was the only one who seemed to be able to find his name, so he found where his counselor was on the map next to the list. The rest of the group sat down while Paul went in.

"What's your student identification number?" asked the counselor.

"My what?"

"Your ID number." The counselor saw that Paul still appeared confused, so he picked up a strange wand-like device, bent Paul's left ear forward, and scanned the barcode. "So, number 986263," he said after typing something on the computer, "what can I do for you?"

"The secretary said to get my schedule." The counselor said okay, typed some more and handed Paul the printout of his schedule. Paul got up to leave and noticed that Jay had been watching him. The secretary told Paul that it was fourth hour and he had better hurry because the pass she was giving him was unexcused. Paul wandered aimlessly down the hall. Jay had taken the others and escaped through an air vent while the secretary was occupied.

"Where are we?" asked Steve.

"We're in the ventilation system," replied Jay after reading the "ventilation system" sign next to him. They crawled a little further and Jay fell through a vent since that always seems to happen when people start crawling through ventilation systems. He noticed a wall of television monitors displaying various locations in the school and told the others to come down. He ended up at the bottom of the resulting pile of bodies, which he was understandably not especially thrilled about. They all got up and looked at the monitors. Suddenly, it was time for lunch and there was nothing they could do about it.

In the lunch line, Jay noticed a container of spoons next to the straws, so he picked one up. "Spoon!" he yelled in joy. Mrs. Grunwald cried out in frustration because she couldn't find anything to mark wrong on the test she was correcting. Jay tossed her a spoon and she made up an error for the test and seemed to be satisfied.

They all got their lunches (except Paul, since he had an accident with a computer in one of his classes and will make no further appearances in this story) and attempted to sit down at a nearby table. They would have had no trouble doing it, but Joch crawled out from underneath the table and brought them to a different table.

Although this table was no different from any of the other tables, Jay was not content with sitting there. He held his spoon high in the air and once again yelled, "Spoon!" but this time in rebellion. The others at the table did the same thing and joined him in a spoon attack on Joch.

Once they had "spooned" Joch, they found that they were able to sit wherever they pleased. The other teachers in the cafeteria either didn't notice or didn't care since it was merely Joch. Most of the other people at the table stayed at that table since they had never sat at a table other than that one and were scared. Our characters went to the table they had attempted to sit at originally. They ate their "food" and began eating their ice cream because with spoons they no longer had to attempt to drink it.

After Curt had eaten most of his ice cream, he noticed that his spoon was not long enough to reach the rest of the ice cream in the bottom of his cup. Allene took it to the microwave for him and he was then able to drink it with a straw. Then Steve said that if he had two buns he'd eat them. When they were done eating, Jay realized that he had been doing something before, so he left. Allene went with him because she tended to do that. Everyone else began wandering the halls, having nothing to do. Steve noticed someone jog by and stab someone else with a plastic spoon. A teacher-type being said, "We have a run-by spooning in sector 7-D," into her walkie-talkie.

"Wait a minute," said Curt, "where did this school come from?"

"What are you talking about?" asked Steve. Curt looked around and saw that there was no longer a school. "Hey, where's Jay and Allene?"

"I don't know, let's just go home."