a children's story

"hmm, my mountain dew seems to be frozen," said little joey.  little timothy suggested that he take the bottle down the hall and microwave it, or at least set the refrigerator less cold.  little stephanie reminded them all that you shouldn't put metal in the microwave, which everyone knew anyway, so little timothy kindly tossed her out the window.  little joey then took his frozen mountain dew and went down the hall with it.  back in the room, little timothy decided he might jump on the bed, but being little he found no way even to get up to the bed, much less jump once he got there.  as he stood in the middle of the floor pondering this lack of way, little joey returned with his now thawed mountain dew.  "it worked!" he proclaimed, throwing his hands into the air triumphantly.  little did he know, however, that his right hand clutched a de"cap"itated (sorry, couldn't resist) bottle of mountain dew, which wasted no time in drenching its surroundings, including little timothy.  at this little timothy became quite infuriated--his face reddened deeply and his body heated enough so that the mountain dew which so carelessly had come to rest upon him evaporated, greeting them with a peculiar odor.  this odor, strange as it was, caused little joey to mistakenly accuse little timothy of flatulence, which only served to anger him further, this time to the point where he unkindly tossed little joey out the window.  "he can keep her company," said little timothy, referring to little stephanie.  just then, big dan appeared in the doorway, and upon seeing the unconfined mountain dew became quite militant, digging in the couch to find fossilized cheetos which he threw at little timothy.  after one of these fossilized cheetos had become wedged in little timothy 's left nostril, little timothy flew into a fit of rage over having been assaulted with two different forms of junk food in a short period of time.  big dan surmised that this was likely a dangerous situation because one with the title of big knew enough stuff to go around making surmisions.  acting upon his surmision, which is generally the next step, big dan picked up little timothy by a wedgie and gently tossed him out the window to join his friends, lying on the ground four stories below.  then big jay walked in and inquired as to the purpose of the scattered beverage and infinitely stale cheetos, to which big dan replied, "it was his fault," pointing out the window to the three children piled below it.  big jay casually sauntered up to the window and ponderously placed his left hand upon his chin.  "hmm," said he, "all this over a frozen mountain dew..."

after the shock of the recent happenings had for the most part worn off, big jay sat down in his broken chair (apparently it had been struck by an unbelievably stale cheeto).  "poor kathy; she never gets any e-mail," he thought to himself, and in a sudden stroke of genius which followed shortly after his unspoken conversation with himself, he realized he did in fact have the power to change that.  and so he did just that, ignoring big dan 's tauntingly cruel remarks which were being flung out the window at the corpse of little timothy which lie motionless at a lower elevation.