bln
bln is a ‘natural blog’ because i know too much about math and thought that was a clever name. it contains some stuff that used to be the thoughts section. it's basically stream-of-consciousness style writing (as is usually the case with blogs), so be aware that some (most?) of it is rather raw.
love
the writings under this section are mostly about my relationship with my wife and are of a more serious nature. i may not know much about love, but i'm learning and trying to get better at it. you can go to my photo album to see some pictures of my wife (and me) if you'd like.
- 12·09·2002part ][ of the sir jay and princess brittany trilogy
- the story i read to my now wife immediately before proposing to her (she said yes)
- the girl of my dreams
- a short explanation about why i don't get enough sleep
- the tale of sir jay and princess brittany
- a considerably longer version of spring break and ½, this time more suitably written as a fairy tale as something so amazing never seems to happen to anyone in real life
- spring break and ½
- a short story about brit and me getting together (inspired by an actual event)
- puzzle
- a story about a little boy who gets a puzzle from his father
- eye of the storm
- a true story — written for freshman composition in college
essays and theories
it's fun to prove things that aren't true, especially when it can be done in an especially convincing way. that is what the theories listed here attempt to do. the essays and theories listed here are from high school and early college, and try to maintain a certain level of seriousness despite the fact that they are completely wrong and / or sarcastic.
- dark suckers
- an essay i wrote in 11th grade about dark suckers, explaining how light bulbs suck dark instead of emitting light. my teacher, upon reading this essay, became incredibly confused and gave me a poor grade.
- the dynamic school theory
- proof that neenah high school revolves around the earth. appeared in neenah high school's student newspaper shortly after i wrote it.
- the everything is nothing theory
- proof that grey does not exist. i had intended to show that all grey is either green or brown, but it did not turn out that way.
- me man—you complicated
- an essay written in freshman comp 2. it got me a b in the class, and he doesn't give a's.
- the people are stupid theory
- proof that practically everyone is stupid.
- 09·2001pentium 4 computers do not know how to count
- an article about microsoft windows.
- ready.php
- a comprehensive page of instructional images from ready.gov.
- 07·20·2006the infinite dubya theorem
- a comparision of dubyas running a country correctly to monkeys generating the complete works of william shakespeare.
the pencil fighting series
the pencil fighting series started out in 8th grade between me, paul, and steve (authors of the first three stories, in that order). the stories started out quite short, and not all that good. i kept the series going through high school and even wrote one in college, and they slowly got longer and better. i probably should take down the earlier stories due to their not being very good, but some of the later ones make references to them (and besides, they're short!). the paul's revenge is the story where story-hopping is introduced, and was handed in as an assignment for 9th-grade english. that story is almost good, but still has my old not-so-interesting style. i would recommend starting with either that one or the curt.
- paul's first love
- bad steve
- bad steve 2
- the j
- secret of the j
- the paul's revenge
- the curt
- the j goes crazy
- return of the jessi
- joch
- the soy conspiracy
the pastor nancy trilogy
if i remember right, i wrote all of these in high school--the first one during the summer between my freshman and sophomore years. for a while i was alternating between writing a pastor nancy story and writing a pencil fighting story. pastor nancy wasn't originally intended to be a trilogy, but it got absorbed into the pencil fighting series in the soy conspiracy.
childrens stories
all the childrens stories were written while i was in college. the first one (probably the best one) actually was inspired by a refrigerator that was set a little too cold, and was written between 2 and 3 am. they are nothing but short unrelated stories inspired by various happenings around campus, except for number 2, which is about something else and isn't very good.
poetry
another college-inspired writing. i'm not much for poetry, so there's only one poem. it is inspired by whoever it is that find it necessary to steal the dry-erase markers from people's dorm room doors.
